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James
James Wootton is one of the founding and long-term members of the Unicorn Warriors. He was born 6th April 1996 in Newham General Hospital and grew up in the district of Beckton, East London for a number of years. His father, Richard Wootton, is a London Black Taxi driver and his mother, Karen Burbidge, was a personal secretary. He also has a younger brother, Oliver Wootton (born 2003), an aspiring YouTuber by the name of 'Kb6muser'. They currently reside in Dagenham, Essex. He has studied Geography at UCL, much to the amusement and jostling by his friends who claim that 'geography is not a real degree'. James and Raphael, often come to the conclusion that "Geography is the answer to everything", hinting at the breadth of topics that geography covers. Although this argument has not been received very well in matters of scientific and philosophical debate. He is currently continuing further studies in-training to become a Geography Teacher. Early Life Despite growing up in Newham, which he still considers is his home turf, James and his family moved to Ilford, Redbridge during the summer of 2006. It was here that he began his new journey at Highlands Primary School before enrolling at Valentines High School where he would eventually befriend his best mates Raphael and Zain. Occupations ASDA - During year 11, Valentines High School helped students organise work experience. James's choice was of course a low-end market retail chain. For the first 2 days, he would work in the bakery section, being supervised by a miserable, tattooed and sweaty lady who he could only describe as Miss.Trunchball from Matilda. He would often have to take baguettes from the oven and package them in paper bags for the eager lunchtime shoppers, come evening he would be rolling the jam donuts in sugar, often licking the excess off his fingers to keep himself awake. Not longer after, he pretty much begged the store manager whether he could escape the bakery and work 'on the floor'. The next day, James was loving it, running upstairs to grab the cargo lift and placing the stacked trolleys in order, ready for stocking the shelves. During one stock re-shelving moment, a weary customer approached James to ask where the cous cous was. James having never had (or knowing what cous cous was) hesitantly escorted the customer to the sauces section. Remarkably, he had found it, but the ordeal wasn't over yet. Customer: "What one do you recommend?" James "Erm, I've never tried cous cous." Customer "(Grimacing) You've... never had cous cous?" Without another word being uttered, he picked up the nearest batch of Uncle Bens and walks away. James was left startled yet slightly shamed. James has also worked as a volunteer in Valentines Mansion, an iconic building to many students of the local high school, where many cigarettes would be smoked and other frisky behaviours. His most notable moment there was when he greeted former Great British Bakeoff host Paul Hollywood and The Saturdays singer Rochelle Humes as a receptionist, however his moment was ruined by the site manager who quickly burst in behind James and whisked them into his own company... the short, ginger prick. During the summer holiday of 2015, James found work as a bartender at the American BBQ restaurant 'Reds True Barbeque'. You can read more about this fine eatery and James' experiences here. More recently James also worked as a teaching assistant at South Park Primary School, children would randomly try to hug him, but James would push them away stating loudly to any concerned teachers in the area that he was not CRB checked and they should stop touching him. The kids saw this as a weakness and he would battle daily with children who attempted to 'jump him'. Strengths and Weakness James is very much open to new experiences and loves to try new foods, go new places or try new activities. He is able to navigate around public transport much to the assistance of Raphael, who had to ask James to top up his oyster card for him because the machines confused him (Rapahel still doesn't know how to use buses... if he doesn't say that in his bio, then he's lying). James is a very good navigator and often needs minimal time to study a park in order to get around, this has perhaps surprisingly, proved absolutely useless to his geography degree after-all. James has a distinctive calm personality and very rarely enters into serious confrontation or arguments with anyone. However it is warned that should someone 'break him', then that person has seriously pissed him off. James' kryptonite has to be Marijuana. After a severe anxious reaction to smoking it, James would become extremely panicky and concerned when he was around anybody smoking it. The smell itself would send him into a frenzy, going to lengths as far as holding his breath until the smell had passed or running away 30 metres from the source. James has also taken a dislike to any seafood because the texture is often weird and slimy as well as looking like an alien carcass. He has often been caught out on having very 'shifty' eyes, that may dart across the room or between people, this often makes him look rather awkward or suspicious, it is not uncommon for him to meet eyes with a stranger before looking away and then returning eye contact repeatedly. The Unicorn Warriors have often called James out on being the shortest (at 5 ft 8") in the group, which reoccurring such as "Careful you don't drown in that puddle" and "I'll pick up your little 'ead". Hobbies James has played the drums for nearly a decade, for a few years he was even in his own metal band. He grew out his hair to the point where it was below his nipples. The long hair was commonly a source of banter with students and teachers alike, who would often fire gay remarks or mistake him for a girl. Speaking of which, to read more on the cunt of a teacher, Mr Malone, click here to visit our VHS page. Whilst music in general is not often spoken about in the unicorn warriors, it is a common ground between Zain and James and their fondness of Rock/Metal Music. James has also dabbled with a guitar which was the primary instrument in the Unicorn Warriors band, the very beginning of the Unicorn Warriors themselves. Among James' favourite bands include Metallica, Muse and Oasis. James is currently a purple belt (as of 2017) in the Japanese martial art Jiu-Jitsu, which probably makes up for what he lacks in height and stature. He likes to meet with Raphael and Zain the pub for a few beers and having intellectual and humourous discussions as often as possible. James would consider only recently that travel has become a hobby of his. He has visited 3 major National Parks in the UK including Snowdonia, the Brecon Beacons and the Lake District. He has also visited Portugal, Spain, France, Belgium, Luxembourg, The Netherlands, Germany, Switzerland, Italy, Malta, Sweden, Denmark and Barbados.